To those of you who stop in periodically and drop me a line here and there to let me know that you care, thank you. this place has been my life line. A beautiful place to help me try to learn and grow and do something with a life that was wiped out. I am in counseling, though he is a dork, so i think i am going to have to find someone else. If i knew what my problem was i would have cured myself a long time ago. uhhh, ya think?? But i did take the steps. And i am taking the steps with my other doc's to let them know that if they can't help me then don't just take my money, send me to someone who can help me. I am tired of sitting on the bottom looking up. i dont think its fair that i have to stay there because nobody wants to take the time to look a little closer. so i guess this is me pissed off. i know that sometimes its hard for the people around me to understand looking okay n the outside but being disabled on the inside, but doctors too? come on...and the people around me arent making me all too happy on a regular basis either. So choices people, choices. but yes, I am alive and kicking up a storm over here in northeastern ohio. My life never was the easiest place to be but i have a daughter who needs me and at 15 she is a handful too but she still would be lost without me. So thank you to all of you to come and have been patient with me. I have lots of pics and lots of ideas. but one computer and i never seem to be able to get on it long enough to do even one pic. I have one of my daughter that i really want to do something beautiful with. but i have so many ideas for it that id never have enough time to begin to get them all done. i keep asking for a laptop(even found one for 200 last week) but for 3 years i dont think it will happen. oh well. we all have our goals to strive for. much love and lots of coca cola

Figured I should update for anyone who happens to be looking...my family only checks to make sure i'm stil alive and the rest, i know htecare but sometimes its hard for them to understand being sick all the time.
So I put on the weight over the holidays. like to the tune of from 125 to currently 143. not so happy but i am 5'7 1/2. but my clothes dont fit and i dont like it. but im coping. eating disorder and all. i got up the courage after ayear to call a counselor, do you know it took all i had in me to make the f***ing call and nobody has called me back yet. I know i sounded pretty fed up on the phone, its a good thing i wasnt suicidal or i'd be deadby now! what a shame. that was friday. Things are going okay i guess and i havehad some encouraging words comefrom people here that have helped. Itis suprising where you willfind people who care about you. Many people here have large hearts made of gold aside from the beaty of their talent. I am still working my way through learning and my fear of looking stupid up next to so many talented people but i know i will get there and until then...I will continue hangin on and fighting for this so called life i have. For me, my daughters, my girlfriend, and all the people that truly do care. thanks for the words of kindness.

Life is taking it's toll and we have had to move and i have no internet and am dying slowly. We came to the library for a little while but its not quite the same. I have gained 7lbs(yeahh!) but don't know how long it will stay. my doctor has told me to keep two wardrobes, one for the summer and one for the winter. The med that causes the most problems i can change to in the summer and be thin in the summer and then switch back to the one that makes me pick up a little weight in the winter. we all had a good laugh about it but my head is pretty screwy about all that right now. I'm not so sure how i feel about putting on that much weight. it's very scary. But I am trying to focus on learning more about my art stuff and pics and I am moving along okay. We shall see. The holidays are coming and those are always really hard for both me and my daughter because her sister(my oldest)won't ever come home or call. Neither will my family. so we hang tight and stick to our traditions and her dad comes around a little more for her to help make up for it. Happy holidays all... keep up the great work. I love to see it and it helps my spirits stay up and something to look forward to. Now hopefully I can get hooked up to the internet soon before I go crazy!